I'm Lonely

There....I said it. I'm LONELY!!!! All my friends do is hang out in bars. I don't like to hang out in bars all the time....I don't like to drink all the time. I need a friend or two that want to go shopping....or go to a movie.....or hang out and watch tv....or do a craft. Something other than go to the bar and drink!

I also wouldn't mind a nice guy to hang out with....someone who liked me more than a friend....or a late night phone call.

I hate on line dating services.....but that is where I may have to end up going.

tears falling from her eyes......

Yeah....I cried today. It all started when my youngest cat (she's 3) knocked over a glass of water. It's one of my favorite glasses (and I wasn't done with the water)....and the only thing that saved the glass from getting broken was the couch. This isn't the first time...but it pisses me off when she knocks them over! She's a terror.....It's days like that that I think about getting rid of her. If I get rid of her, then I have to get rid of the older cat too....cause he can't go outside anymore....and he uses her as an attack pet!

Last night K, D and U and I went to Lawrence to see Carbon Leaf and Toby Lightman. Tonight I went to see It's Over - a great KC band!!!!

ah....back to work tomorrow....but only for 3 days then off to St. Louis for a few days. Taking the train.....it should be fun.

Now, I shall go cry myself to sleep. It's lonely up here on the 3rd floor.....:(

I bought shoes

I went to K-Mart....they are reddish maroon ankle boots and they were only $5....I am going to wear them tonight to the Gaslights show at Davey's.

So....my friend D has got a couple of crushes that she really needs to get over. One guy is married. Now, don't get me wrong....he's adorable, and truthfully, I probably have a little thing for him myself, but it's just a thing.....she's like damning his whole marriage! Not cool! She also has another crush that is just going to break her heart. I know we all need to get our heart broken, just to prove we have one, but she is WAY more invested and thinks that he is way more invested than he is. Another friend K and I told him one night.....just fuck her and get it over with. His response? "That will never happen". It makes me feel bad. She needs to get laid, and has come out of her shell SOOOOOO much. She's just aiming too high at the moment. She's gotta quit aiming for the rock star.....and get with the fan!

My horoscope told me today to pretend I was in love even if I wasn't. I guess that means what I have heard, that people are more attracted to people who are with someone else. weird! I am in love.....ok, not really....it's more like lust! I have been in love.....and still really love a couple of those people, but being IN love with and loving someone are two different things. Sometimes I think I am still in love with J1.....but I'm not....not really. I used to think I was in love with J2....hahahaha...no. Then there is F. I could very easily fall in love with him. But at this time....is pure lust! I suppose he's one of the crushes that I need to get over! hahaha. I have a picture of him hanging in my cube.....I can look at him everyday....he's singing, but not playing his chosen instrument!

Damn....it's Friday at 5pm....what the HELL am I still doing here???

Shopping sucks!

I went shopping over my lunch hour today. I went with the thought that I needed new shoes. Do I really need new shoes? NO....but do I want new shoes? YES! Did I buy new shoes? NO. I can't bring myself to do it. I see cute shoes I want but then realize I either have nothing to wear with them, or no where to wear them....or both. I did however buy a package of cookies. Keebler - chocolate with white chunks. Like I really needed cookies......what I really need is to lose 70 lbs then buy new clothes.....something to go with the cute shoes! Oh....I also figured out that I can retire from my job at 44! I won't get much of a retirement.....but a little bit....and then I can just go get a job I really want.

I think I am going to have pizza tonight for dinner.....that sounds really really yummy!!

Oh yeah....The Rock Boat 2008 - January 19-24 - Ocho Rios, Jamaica and Grand Caymen - Probably no Cowboy Mouth this year.....so I will be sad.....but sounds like Toad the Wet Sprocket is going to be on the boat.

I hate these things

I guess I hate them because as much as I want them to be public I want it to be private. So....I am going to post my private thoughts here....crushes....people I am pissed at, etc. If you read it and you think you see you....you might be right. I'm going to change the names....probably use nicknames. I don't know....I may use real names....risk getting sued - or stalked...or hated! So...let's start with work!

My job really isn't that bad. I make a good wage, I have flex time (meaning I can come and go as I please), I surf the net most of the day, I have a lap top and like most of the poeple that I work with. Sometimes though I HATE my job....or more specifically some of the poeple that I support. Every year starting in the December time frame (we are two months behind, so actually paying people for October) I start sending out checks to these people for $10, $20, even $50 THOUSAND dollars......for a MONTH! Now....if they were nice people you would think that I would get a Christmas card....or a box of chocolate, or something like that. Did I get anything? HELL NO! I had one branch of people that made almost $136K this month. That's 6 people.....$136K!!!!! Will I get a thank you? a card? a bottle of whiskey? NO! But they will buy new cars....new houses and new clothes. I shouldn't bitch....some of them work hard, I am sure, but let me tell you.....if I skrew something up they are on the phone quicker than snot and escalating to my manager. blah blah blah....whine whine whine.

Last night I went out drinking.....got home at 3am. I got to work at 10:30 am.....it's now 5pm and I am leaving.

Tonight - laundry.....and maybe try to get my computer hooked up.